About My Feminine Journey
I have had a very long journey, learning to honour and celebrate being woman. I have always been passionate about women’s rights, issues and women’s autonomy, especially the idea of “our body, our choice'”. I am intrigued by the masculine/feminine dynamic that is within all things, however for me, my femininity was something to be disguised or hidden, so that I could survive, be taken seriously and get ahead in life. I lived a very masculine lifestyle, working in a male dominated industry, in a demanding and mentally focused career.
I suppressed my emotions (as best I could), stayed focused and rational and at the end of the day, did my best to leave it all behind. I was in denial for so long, not admitting that this way of being was crushing my spirit and suppressing my feminine radiance. All of this to conform, to buy into the status quo and really prove to others and myself that I should be taken seriously! I was tired of people only relating to my looks, instead of my mind and it was a decades long crusade to overcome the discrimination and objectification that I had experienced from a very young age. I understand now that I needed to experience that extreme masculine energy within myself so that I knew I was capable of taking care of myself and my family all by myself…
As I began to realise that this way wasn’t working for me, it was difficult relinquishing the power that comes from being a good “masculine” in this society that rewards and encourages masculine traits and behaviours. However, I knew, deep inside that I couldn’t go on this way, it was time for a shift, time to embody the feminine. I had already proved that I was a good man, now it was time to reclaim my femininity, to give myself full permission to acknowledge and honour that divine inner essence that I had been suppressing for so long. I had always revered women, yet I denied it within myself on a daily basis.
Over the years I had explored many things while still predominately living in my masculine way. From Women’s Circles and Women’s ‘Rites of Passage’ Programs to Sacred Sexuality and Taoist Women’s Teachings. They all let me have a taste of what my divine spirit was wanting to live. It took becoming pregnant though, to go through my own full body “Rite of Passage” to completely ground and embody the raw, wild, overwhelming and chaotic nature of the feminine in her power!
However, parenting solo for many many years still kept me living and working from the masculine energy of needing to protect, provide and support my family. It didn’t allow much space, time or energy for immersion into the being and receiving state that creates space for a woman to experience her radiant self regularly.
I kept hoping that one day, the masculine would come along, perhaps in the form of a good man, my man and take some of these pressures off me so that I could practice my feminine more. One day I realized however, that it was me that needed to take the first step. It was me that needed to take the ‘Leap of Faith’. I made the decision to start living in my feminine flow more often. I entrusted the universe with providing the masculine where and when I needed it and to the best of my ability I let go of needing to manage, control and live in fear of how I was going to make it all work. It was so liberating to make that jump, so life changing to hand it over, to let go of the ‘shoulds’ and finally, completely honour my feminine nature.
Within 2 months my whole life had changed. The Universe, God, Goddess, Cosmic Consciousness or whatever you choose to call it, had validated and rewarded my leap of faith. Being supported didn’t always look like I thought it should, or come through who I thought it would. However, when I learned to say YES, to gratefully receive through whomever, or whatever the universe had provided at that time, that is when a new feeling of openness and abundance, started to take form.
Every day I receive more learning’s on what it looks and feels like to be in my feminine and now that I feel honoured in my feminine, my respect for the masculine has also grown.
Every day is a dance between the internal and external Yin & Yang dynamics but now I am learning how to balance the two while still honouring my natural, powerful, sensual, radiant self as woman!