How are you with rules? For as long as I can remember I have strongly disliked other peoples rules, especially those that seem arbitrary and unnecessary.
Unless I am a decision maker in creating the rules, or they actually resonate with me as a truth I can abide by, then THEY ACTUALLY DRIVE ME INSANE! From little rules, to big rules, from my partners rules, to government rules and anything in between…it dissolves my sense of freedom and autonomy to always be considering other peoples rules…
I have only once lived in a share house and that was once too much! As a Leo my home is MY castle, my den, my territory, my rules! FOR ME MY HOME IS MY SANCTUARY, it is the one place that I am free to be me, no-one else’s rules or laws restricting my flow and spontaneity of expression, which is a totally feasible way to live if you are single….however, one day I had a child! Gone were the days, (yes literally days), of peace & silence, all of a sudden my home was full of shoulds, obligations, responsibilities and a distinct lack of spontaneity & quiet. Throw into that mix a partner and some days I can feel like I’m suffocating in self censorship just so that there is peace & harmony in the home.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my family and I know that they make daily compromises to live with me and my rules too. They are awesome, we have a great life but I’m not going to lie, I stop functioning well if I am always surrounded by others and am feeling a constant requirement to meet others needs. Some may think that’s utterly selfish but it is how I am, I have pretended otherwise in the past, to my own detriment. Actually, for me, selfishness would be not considering the needs of those that I live with & love and not putting those needs above my own at times, sometimes quite often, especially with a child.
As a woman, mother and a lover, who is sensitive and feels things deeply, both spoken and unspoken, I am constantly aware of the energies I am surrounded by, regardless of whether they are positive, negative or neutral. I am also an introvert (yes even Leo’s can be introverted), my very nature desires lots of space and solo time to re-energize, integrate and process life, add to that a need to escape from society’s rules and constant censorship and some days I’m bordering on being a hermit! This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, when I do get alone time, it is my opportunity to reset. To drop the need to hold space for others needs and to come back into myself. WITHOUT THIS ALONE TIME, I BEGIN TO LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT IS ME AND WHAT IS THEM. Without the space to reintegrate all the pieces of me that get lost, scattered, blurred and buried in the presence of others, I actually can become incredibly ungrounded, unhappy and pretty messy. No one enjoys that!
It’s not always easy or even possible to negotiate lots of space when you are in a family and while I need time alone, I also need time to connect with my man, time to be with my daughter and of course time to work, play and catch up with loved ones. It is a juggle, one I am still practicing with the intention of mastering one day. In the meantime I am learning new & creative ways of making more space within the limited space we have. I am learning better ways of communicating my needs and I am discovering different ways to access the time I need, so that I can be the FULLY loving, radiant and sensual woman that I naturally am….some days it looks really good and some days it’s a definite work in progress! Some days I just break all the rules and love every minute of it!
I would love to hear how you create more space and freedom in your life? How do you negotiate all the rules? Drop a comment below and share your FREEDOM wisdom!
In Beauty
Shekinah Leigh
